Some of the most emotionally charged divorces that I have guided my clients through have involved a spouse struggling with addiction. Whether the addiction is to alcohol, drugs or gambling, both parties begin the divorce process with intense emotions of fear, shame, anger and safety concerns. My mother-in-law passed away from alcoholism, so I have seen firsthand how this vicious cycle can affect lives and how important it is to handle these issues with professionalism, confidentiality and compassion.
That’s why our team at Berger Schatz is addressing the intersection of addiction and divorce at our next Education Empower roundtable event, a series designed to enlighten and educate participants on topics that can impact divorce.
Our March 13 panel discussion will include Gibson Smith, a recovery coach with 16 years of sobriety who says his alcohol addiction contributed to his divorce; Mike Gammel, President and CEO of TrueTest Labs, which specializes in family law drug testing; and Beverly Tarr, a highly respected mediator and speaker who has extensive experience working with divorcing spouses and families coping with addiction issues. In anticipation, here are a few of Berger Schatz’s insights on navigating the divorce process when addiction is a factor and why there is hope and healing on the other side.
Addiction’s Toll on Relationships
Addiction impacts relationships on multiple levels — emotionally, financially and physically — slowly chipping away at trust and stability. Over time, these struggles can lead to the breakdown of a marriage and ultimately to divorce.
That was the case for Gibson Smith, who says his alcoholism prevented him from forming true, meaningful relationships, including with his wife at the time. He says, “It wasn’t from not wanting to be a good person. I was just incapable of it because I was spending my time and effort and energy worrying about where I was going to get my next drink.” Gibson’s first marriage ultimately ended, and he says his divorce was what led him to get sober. He has since remarried and is now a dad, as well as a recovery coach who helps others struggling with addiction and mental health challenges.
At Berger Schatz, we are also committed to being mindful of protecting the relationship between a parent with an addiction and his or her children. We work with mental healthcare professionals and other addiction specialists to craft plans to last throughout and after the divorce process that protect the children’s well-being and foster positive relationships between the children and both parents. A skilled attorney helps put guardrails in place, even confidentially, to ensure kids are safe.
Helpful Legal Tools
Mike Gammel with TrueTest Labs is an expert in drug and alcohol testing for family court matters. While alcohol, marijuana and cocaine top the list of substances Mike’s company typically tests for, he says their wide variety of tests can check for just about any harmful substance. One such testing device is called Soberlink, and Mike points out there are a lot of features that make it an effective tool for parents navigating custody time with a recovering addict or one who’s still struggling with addiction. “Soberlink is very difficult to beat,” he says. “This handheld breathalyzer device has cellular connectivity and even takes a picture of you when you breathe into it. You can find out right away if alcohol is registered, which helps the other parent make informed decisions based on the results.”
Mike says testing is less about “catching” someone in the act and more about altering their behavior and rebuilding trust. For example, an attorney can help set up an agreement that incentivizes the addicted partner to stay sober, such as increasing parenting time in phases if the tests continually come back showing no signs of alcohol use.
Maintaining Confidentiality
Many clients want to be sure that their addictions are not publicly flaunted during the divorce and while they often are seeking a path toward recovery. This is why I highly recommend couples explore mediation as a forum to resolve their divorce, particularly issues relating to their children, as a first option before heading to court. As mediator Beverly Tarr points out, “Addiction presents unique challenges that can be successfully addressed in the safe, private and confidential container provided by the mediation process. The innovative protocols and procedures now available in mediation provide for creative and thoughtful solutions in addiction cases. They seek to ensure the safety of the children working in tandem towards both parents being involved in the lives of their children.”
Berger Schatz is comprised of experienced, compassionate lawyers who provide practical advice and illustrate the bigger picture when the details of navigating life through divorce become overwhelming.